


The Lesbian Pumpkin Fiasco

by Riznow



Category: Elder Scrolls
Genre: Basically its a Scooby Doo-esque 'oh who did this? lets find the culprit', F/F, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Mystery
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-18
Updated: 2019-03-12
Packaged: 2019-11-16 04:33:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,031
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18087512
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Riznow/pseuds/Riznow
Summary: Nocturnal decides to take a long (hopefully eternal) break from playing with Mundus to spend time with her loving girlfriend and soon-to-be wife as pumpkin farmers. However, the moment that Nocturnal wants to make pumpkin pie with Meridia, their plans are hindered by mysteriously disappearing pumpkins. Now the two must solve the mystery of the Pumpkin Thief!





	The Lesbian Pumpkin Fiasco

**Author's Note:**

> This is a gift for [sheobaby](http://sheobaby.tumblr.com/), based off her lovely art! Specifically this one: [link to art click~!](http://sheobaby.tumblr.com/post/179636853191/eso-summerset-alternate-ending-nocturnal-stopped)

This day on Nirn was getting rather bright and with a low and long sigh, Nocturnal sluggishly floated over to a swirling portal that she had luckily set up for herself earlier. Similar to that of her Ebonmere portal, it was a swirl of shades of blue and black, portraying a wavering reflection of her r ealm, Evergloam. Sinking into the swirling blankets of shadow, she happily embraced the darkness as her bare feet touched the soft, loamy soil. She adjusted her robes, snapping her fingers to replace said robes with a more comfortable and form-fitting thief garb. She tucked her medium length hair into her hood, and went on ahead.

Another day, another tiring failure on the Mundus. It was exhausting to mess with mortals, regardless of how interesting they could be and how fun they were to play with. However, at the same time, she’d wish she could lay lower. She was the Daedric Prince of Thieves after all! And even with her usual amazing luck, she’d fallen a step back against Sotha Sil. How… disappointing. Perhaps it was, oh, she didn’t know. _Her 500 crows that felt the need to roam around the city._ She rolled her eyes at her own mistake. Never. Let. Crows. Outside. Then, the whole problem with Summerset and the heart and everything. Meridia's champion had even been there, but she didn't focus on him at all, just threw paltry attacks towards him. No need to upset the lovely Meridia.

Eh, she pushed it to the back of her mind. She’d face the music later on. For now, she gazed along her vast realm, the darkened sky, the swirling grey clouds, the tiny stars that twinkled lightly. Ah, this was home. She stretched her arms comfortably, beginning to move at an easy pace towards where she called her home. 

Well, she had multiple homes. Sometimes her heart called for a big, spooky mansion, with a sprawling floor plan, and massive spires that pointed towards the night sky. Other times she called for something more humbling, something small like the hut that was hidden amongst dark groves of trees, with a small yard with vines and vines of pumpkins.

She wandered amongst the brittle, dark underbrush of the forest, the thorns pressing up against her clothing, however they did not damage it, nor did they scar her. She passed her pumpkin patch, ringed with a run down fence, and a spooky scarecrow. She smiled, there were some good pumpkins! Good and ripe. Maybe she’d make some pie later, she could really use a snack. 

There was very little light, and as the tiny abode came into her vision, she let out a relaxed sigh, stretching out a bit. She walked up to the fence that surrounded it and pushed open the wrought-iron gate, closing it behind her. The home was small, made of creaky, dark wood, with semi-transparent windows. Scraggly and thin trees, with deep purple leaves obscured some of the thatch roof from view, meanwhile a couple crows perched on the roof, heads tucked into their feathers, either preening or napping.

She shook her head at the crows, pulling down her hood, and glared up at them, about to call them out for being annoying and incredibly obvious assholes on Nirn- rather than being sneaky like… you know… everything she embodied?!

“Hey, you.” she said, her voice low and irritated, and one of the crows looked towards her, bouncing a bit as birds do. “Did you consider maybe not being as obvious as you were on Nirn. You drew so much attention to yourselves, then ruined our plans.” 

One of the crows continues to nibble on its feathers as it answers her: “Hey look! We’re crows. We caw, we’re loud!” it returns in its strained, rough voice. “Maybe _YOU_ shouldn’t of let us out, milady!” 

Nocturnal’s eye twitched, the entire politeness of the ‘milady’ was not necessary with how rude this crow was. She was about to respond when she noticed a very… strange glow emanating from inside her home. It shone under the doorway, as if a physical beam of light was just in there. It reflected through the windows, casting oddly bright beams on to the floor, illuminating the area nearby. Her annoyed mood quickly evaporated into a cautious one.  

“Some guard crows you are.” Nocturnal commented quietly at the crows, who just bobbed their heads and cawed annoyingly loud. She rose a single finger to her mouth, trying to shush the crows and their chatter, and they fell silent as liquid shadow rose around her, the darkness opaque and gloppy. 

It conformed to her shape, covering her limbs first, and then her face and clothing, as her form itself melted into the floor, melding in with the darkness with ease. Now cloaked in shadow with hardly a form, she moved towards her door, little more than a circular shadow upon the floor, that slipped underneath the opening between the door and ground.

Her senses were telling her that there was light, her mind processing things different than she would in a humanoid form. Quickly spiraling from the ground, regaining her humanoid form and dispelling the liquid shadow, she was pulled the dagger clipped to her hip and held it tightly in hand, turning to glare down the bright intruder in her space.

Said intruder was perched on the table, fiddling with her hands, reading a book of hers, and glowing brighter than anything Nocturnal had seen in a while. Nocturnal is quick to clip the dagger back into it’s holster on her hip, and she lets out a sigh of relief. Said intruder finally realizes that Nocturnal had just came home, and shoots her a beaming; literally beaming, smile.  

Nocturnal flashes back the smile, although not glowing as she is. “How’d you manage to find your way in here, Meridia?” she says with a laugh. “Couldn’t wait to see me, huh?” 

Meridia laughed a bit, a light and sweet noise, literal music to Nocturnals’ ears. “Of course I couldn’t! It’s been forever since I’ve seen you, and I missed you!” she says, getting off the table, and going in for a big hug, her arms outstretched.  

Light met darkness as the two hugged it out, Nocturnal easily towering over her smaller girlfriend. Meridia slipped Nocturnal’s hood off, putting her hands into her inky black shadow hair. Internally, Noct was just going wild and happy, her eyes shutting tight as she pressed up to her. Meridia giggled again, her eyes kind, and Nocturnal, with a surge of strength lifted up Meridia and spun her around, before pressing a kiss to her soft lips. Now Nocturnals back was to the table.

Meridia was clad in a long, flowy robe, the ruffles and ribbons in soft pastel colors, mixes of light blues and greens. Her feet were covered by ballet slippers, easy to wear and comfortable, as well as allowing her to perch on things easily.

Meridia grinned from ear to ear as she was returned to the floor, and Nocturnal leaned against the edge of the table, a smirky, sly smile- fit for that of the Prince of Thieves. “I missed you too, my star.” Nocturnal said with a sigh. “You’re a sight for sore eyes, really.”

“I’m the light of your life?” Meridia asks, her finger pressed to her bottom lip as she leans into Nocturnal’s space.

“Yes!” Nocturnal replied. “In fact, you’re the only one!” she said, making a joke towards the fact that clearly she enjoyed the dark, but she was absolutely fine with Meridia’s light. Hell, even if her realm got a teensy bit brighter just because the literal sun was there? She wouldn’t even be upset!

Meridia pressed her forehead to Nocturnals. “I’m glad, I really am!” she cooed out, her voice full of nothing but utter love. 

Meridia was about to say something more, however, she was immediately interrupted by a loud growl, that actually surprised her. She looked around in confusion, before realizing that Nocturnal looked somewhat embarrassed, her expression sheepish.

“Oh Nocturnal, are you hungry?” Meridia asked, chuckling a bit at her girlfriends general expression and the fact that immediately her stomach growled again.

Nocturnal got up from leaning against the table and stretched out her arms, twisting back and forth to stretch. “Yeah, I don’t think I’ve eaten in a bit…” she says, eyes partially closed. Jeez, she was drowsy. 

“Well then I’ll make you something!” Meridia said cheerily, patting her girlfriend on the cheek, watching with a laugh when Nocturnal scrunched up her face at the touch. “Let’s see what you got in the kitchen…”

And with that, Meridia takes hold of Nocturnals’ hand, the softness of her hand meeting the callousness of Nocturnals, and she guides her towards what seems to be a kitchen. Meridia had only been to this home once or twice, however, she really hadn’t seen the full area of it. Most of her time was spent in the living area or in the bedroom, cozying up with the sweet Noct.

Luckily, the kitchen was easy enough to find, with its grey wood floors, its’ well worn wooden counters, the creaky looking cabinets, and what seemed to be jars filled with food. Or what was left of food. Meridia pursed her lips. Wow, what a mess really. It was kind of obvious Nocturnal didn’t spend much time here.

Nocturnal coughed as she opened a cabinet and a poof of dust hit her square in the face, she peered for food, but there was a severe lack of it, she actually couldn’t remember it being this empty? … She really needed to get some new supplies, what a disappointment. It looked like there was only condiments like flour and sugar, along with a few other things that’d be adequate to simply bake bread and maybe season a few dishes… but nothing for a full dish.  

“I suppose we could just poof something to eat into existence…?” Meridia asks, squeezing Nocturnals’ hand. “We are daedra, and this is your realm so we may as well?”

Nocturnal seems almost surprised by the state of her kitchen. “Huh. I can’t remember it being this run down, honestly.” she says, thoughtfully. “Hmm…No! We don’t have to poof something, what’s the fun in that?” 

Meridia looks at Nocturnal curiously as she points outside, she follows the direction of the way she was pointing, trying to figure out what was so exciting all of a sudden. She notices the distant pumpkin patch, and the silhouette of a lanky scarecrow. 

“I’ve got a little pumpkin patch outside, a bit in the forest, but right there. We could make pumpkin pie, right?” Nocturnal says, a smile on her lips, her eyebrows raised, and dark eyes wide with a sense of excitement. “Cookings’ like alchemy, it can come out either helpful or… I suppose we accidentally make a poison pie.” 

Meridia laughs a bit. “Where’s the fun without a little danger, eh?!” she says, and Nocturnal returns the laughs as the two head back to the main room, and heading out the door. “We’ll be fine anyways, not like a _little_ accidental poison could hurt us.” 

Nocturnal laughed and kindly holds the door open for Meridia, who slips past back out into the dark, twilight woods, appreciating at her girlfriend's design sense. The place was made of soothing colorations, dark, cool tones. While Meridia did enjoy bright and multicolored things, there was a sense of peace to the dark jades, blues, and purples of Evergloam. 

“Race you to it.” Nocturnal said, a challenging glint in her eye, but a smile on her face.

Meridia was about to answer, but before she could, Nocturnal had already darted ahead, using that thief like agility to jump the fence with ease and make a break towards the area in the forest she’d originally pointed to. The loud crunch of leaves caused Meridia to feel the excitement of the run, and she bounced on her toes until she picked up into a run. 

“Hey!” Meridia called after her, a frown setting on her face as she too darted in the direction the Nocturnal had literally sped down. She was so fast!

Instead of jumping the fence in the normal sense, Meridia let out a burst of light and the crows sitting on the roof let out a loud cawing noise as they were practically flashbanged, their eyes likely unclear. Meridia suppressed a laugh as she literally floated over the fence, her humanoid form; skin, eyes, hair, and clothing becoming obscured by a bright, golden light. It was as if she became nothing but a glow as she beamed after Nocturnal, who was still on the run.

Meridia zoomed ahead, not even running, her limbs and feet seemed to be just a memory as her pure form of light zoomed along, causing the leaves that had piled on the floor to billow out from underneath her path.

“Having trouble keeping up?” Nocturnal called. She must’ve noticed the sudden bright light and she paused her mad dash to turn and look at where Meridia was.

Instead of seeing Meridia straggling behind her due to her long robe, Nocturnal was greeted by the startling sight of Meridia’s glowing form bearing down on her, the bright golden light moving at her at a breakneck pace. Nocturnal went to dart out of the way, as her hyperbeaming girlfriend just **did not** seem like she could stop. However, her movement was a bit too slow, still recovering from the earlier run, and Meridia’s glowing form bashed right into Nocturnal, causing the two to get launched directly over the fence of the pumpkin patch.

Nocturnal’s form wavered into a liquid shadow, mixing with Meridia’s glowing form, the speed at which they were going causing some of the liquid shadow to get lost into the rest of the dark forests shadows.  

Meridia’s form slowly returned to normal, but not before she fell into the dirt, Nocturnal’s purely shadow form underneath her as she rolled a bit from the impact, however the shadows kept her from actually hitting the ground or dirtying herself. The liquid shadow regained its shape and Nocturnal was laying underneath, her clothing a bit messy, but alright.

Meridia was about to apologize, before Nocturnal broke into a laugh. She giggled for a moment, stifling her laugh with her clawed hand, before removing it and raising her head and just laughing her ass off. Meridia felt relief flow through her and began to laugh it off, too, laying on top of Nocturnal and relaxing. Her breath was fast, as if she’d just ran a marathon, however, she was feeling good. Surprisingly that was fun! 

“Oh wow…!” Nocturnal said, through laughter, and she wiped at the tears that had formed at the corners of her eyes. “I did not see that coming wow…” she trails off as she keeps laughing, breath taken from not only the run but that entire surprise.

Meridia pressed a kiss to her cheek, smoothing at Nocturnal’s hair, trying to straighten the poor thing. As she moved the shadowy hair around, Meridia noticed that it was shorter than before, cropped in an odd way, and she realized that it was probably because Nocturnal lost that bit of her in the liquid shadow form.  

Nocturnal felt her hair as she noticed Meridia’s lack of movement and staring at it was rather obvious. She was able to immediately tell it was shorter, and then shook her head. “Do not worry, Meri.” she said with a laugh. “I’ll just put it back whenever, nothing too bad.”

Meridia let out a relieved sigh. “ _What a relief.”_ she said, relaxing. “That’s a good perk to shadow hair...I hope I didn’t cause us to break any pumpkins…?” she said before looking around.

Nocturnal sat up, still holding Meridia to her as she surveyed the damages but her expression was immediately startled, and Meridia’s lips curled into a frown. Within the fence, where Nocturnal literally just had a pumpkin patch before, was absolutely nothing. The vines were utterly empty, no fruits anywhere to be seen.

Meridia got off of Nocturnal, who was quick to stand up, and survey the area. Meridia spent a bit brushing off Nocturnal’s clothing, following after her and looking around. There were just no pumpkins.

“Did we kill them all…?” Meridia asks, curiously, kind of surprised that there was nothing and that her form of light could even do something like that.

Nocturnal shook her head, lips pursed, before taking Meridia’s hand and leading her over towards where the pumpkins used to be. She clenched her hand, squeezing it lightly, and Meridia squeezed back, feeling her frustration.

Dropping into a crouch, Nocturnal squatted on the ground in front of one of the vines, fingers running along it and observing it. Meridia joined her, peering at the stalks, before picking up one that looked obviously cut, and gasped, gaining Nocturnal’s attention.

“Look, they look like they were cut.” Meridia says, running her fingers along the somewhat messy and torn stalks.

“It’s not a clean cut, but too clean to have just been pulled…” Nocturnal says, free hand holding her chin. “So we’ve got a pumpkin stealer, that’s just great.”

Meridia gets to her feet, helping Nocturnal back up, using both hands to help lift herself, who lets out a low huff and a sigh. “I wonder who could’ve taken all of these…” Meridia said, trailing off.

“I passed through here just earlier, whoever did it had to be quick. Probably one of the trio if anything, they’d want to pick a fight with me, _I can bet on it._ ”Nocturnal frowned, her brow creasing with annoyance. “Otherwise, I have no idea, but we’re going to have to find out.” She cracks her knuckles.

Meridia nods with seriousness and a spark of intensity in her gold eyes however, the seriousness of the moment is quickly cut off by another rumble of Nocturnals’ stomach.

With a laugh, Meridia squeezes her girlfriend’s hand and swings it back and forth a bit. “I think we need to have a meal first!” she says.


End file.
